


Difficult Bonding

by ktsumagari



Category: Saints Row
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, boss: ramiro, mentions of starving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11383083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktsumagari/pseuds/ktsumagari
Summary: Johnny learns something new about the playa (Ramiro), but the kid ain't happy about it.





	Difficult Bonding

“So… if I told you I already knew, would that make it better or worse?”

The playa seemed to freeze on the spot, almost as if about to launch on him again, but instead just shot Johnny a look of mostly dread and desperation. “That bad, huh.” Gat pondered to himself. It certainly had been a stressful start of the afternoon already, with him bursting into his subordinates’ room unannounced to find him unconscious on the floor. Seemed he was suffocating, so Gat just did a decent thing for once and put him into breezier clothes and went and got some food and water as it seemed that was the cause of the fainting, only for the new blood jump at his throat with a knife, with an expression of fury and terror that might’ve been able to scare a man to death by itself. The more nuanced motions before the attack were unnoticed by him, as the small man was regaining consciousness and saw Johnny, a sight that was slightly soothing only to realise how exposed he felt, feeling how the only layers between him and the other man were a single large t-shirt, and remembering this was not how he was before blacking out. Oh god, he knew. The thought repeated in his head like a murderous frenzy as he pulled out the knife and jumped, fully ready to kill his superior for this invasion of privacy. He ended up being easily subdued due to being too starved to overpower someone quite larger than himself.

Johnny had screamed, first in shock and then in indignation, and then eventually screaming foreign reassurances to the kid, almost as if talking to a wild animal, constantly trying to make it clear he wasn’t going to hurt him, even though he did not pull a weapon first and definitely should actually kick his ass back for trying to kill him, but the situation was more nuanced than that. They eventually settled in this awkward, painful silence where the feral cat in human form tried to stay the furthest away from Gat as he could without being assimilated by the walls. The newbie also made sure to cover himself with the blankets he hand, forming a pupa encasing of cotton around himself.

Johnny continued, hoping it’d make it better: “I mean, I don’t know much really, it’s not like anyone snitched you or something. I’ve just been, y’know. Watching you and seeing how you perform and you just looked so uncomfortable all the damn time?” He looked at his assailant with an inquisitive stare almost as if seeking agreement. The other man just frowned, rather in guilt than anger. “I know you hate people and that’s fair, I do too, but you looked… physically uncomfortable. Your back looked in pain and you were always out of breath and you wear ten thousand coats, you look like discomfort personified.” Johnny took 0.1 seconds too long to realise what that sounded like “Ok no, I don’t mean it that way, sorry, you’re not-” He pressed his temples in frustration “I mean that you look uncomfortable and that’s uncomfortable to look at, not cause you’re ugly or some shit, you’re kinda cute-” Gat could bite his own tongue at the moment “I MEAN, uh, sorry.”

He couldn’t help but notice his friend’s reddened cheeks underneath that scowl that was basically stamped on his face at this point and felt like he at least 50% nailed it. “Anyway I got off track. You’re a good runt and fun to kill people with so I was worried maybe you were sick or some crap so I asked Eesh, and she blabbed on and on about some stuff but said something like, maybe your body is different and you were trying to hide it, and I guess I found out more exactly how... today…” 

The young man was burying his head in the covers in response, trying to mask a mix of deep frustration, humiliation, embarrassment, anger and upset. Johnny couldn’t help but feel shitty looking at the motions but couldn’t bring himself to feel really all that sorry either, so he continued. “I mean you were suffocating to death and I didn’t really know what the fuck to do, and it’s not like this changes anything, right? You’re still you, and your secret is safe.” He couldn’t tell if the latter bit helped or made it worse because the kid seemed to have completely shut himself off, and was running out of ideas of how to deal with the situation.

He still had a stupid one, though.

The other man almost jumped in surprise as Gat stripped off his shirts in almost one go, without warning or ceremony. He stared almost shamelessly at his body, well sculpted but tender in places, but still built to kill a man or many, to then become puzzled and, in sequence, angry. Was it a taunt? Was he rubbing in his face how he didn’t look like that? His rage built up in a matter of seconds but Johnny interjected: “No, no, no. Look, we’re all men here. I want to prove to you that whatever you look like under that shirt changes nothing to me, and that we’re the same. It’s still the same shit just shaped kinda differently, right?” It was a stupid fucking idea, but the guy had already tried to kill him so worst case scenario is behind them at this point. “I’m not ordering you to strip, I’m just telling you you got nothing to be ashamed of. Men go shirtless all the time, it’s cool.”

There it was, what Julius’ new boy wanted more than anything: Acceptance. But he didn’t feel comfortable trusting anyone to really do that, it was all a facade of lies and manipulation in order to make use of you. But he liked Gat. He liked Gat a lot. And the notion that he of all people supported him felt like an actual gift from baby Jesus… If it was true. It probably wasn’t, because it never is, because life is worthless and a real fucking bitch, but. Maybe it was fine enough to trust one last time.

He emerged from behind his blankets shell and stayed apprehensive for a moment. Johnny clearly didn’t know where to look and was instead pretending to fiddle with his removed shirt, taking hypothetical dirt out of it, and the rookie appreciated the attempt, even if it was pure garbage. His anxiety was beyond the roof and it felt like his guts would burst out if it kept going any longer, so in one go he took the shirt off, with his upper chest stance doing its best to seem daring and confident, almost as if oblivious to the fact he was shaking miserably from a mix of fear and hunger. Gat made a silent note, because he knew the guy would kill him in his sleep if he dared talk about his breasts in any capacity, “At least he lucked out and got the really flat genes.” His mind admittedly wasn’t perfect and went places at a glance at the man, slim and small and top naked, so unbearably shy and adorable, but he tried to shake them off, offering his hand for the manliest of handshakes. Johnny did notice he was staring at his chest just as much if not more than himself, which felt self satisfying and justification for his own voyeurism. The most satisfactory of all though, was the small embarrassed smile new blood gave to the side, minimal and precious and showing today’s effort had not been in vain.

The man in sunglasses cracked his knuckles, lifting himself up. “Anyway, I’m gonna make you something good, you’re gonna eat it and like it. Count your stars, dude.”

**Author's Note:**

> just a drabble i wrote in the phone one night and forgot. this was kinda self indulgent, as a trans guy wanting to belong in male circles but being extremely afraid and feeling threatened by cis people and 'being discovered' and that junk. nothing too deep honestly its just a moment that happened between gat and the boss (ramiro, i didnt use the name bc him as a character hates names for himself, preferring titles) back in sr1!  
> also i dont think gat can really cook


End file.
